


Metanoia

by olivejuice28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, EWE, F/M, Forgiveness, Hurt and comfort, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-20
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:47:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24293080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olivejuice28/pseuds/olivejuice28
Summary: Metanoia - The Greek word for "changing one's mind," encompassing the elements of repentance, regret, transformation, and reflection, even to the extent of a complete change of inner nature.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger, Lucius Malfoy/Narcissa Malfoy
Comments: 26
Kudos: 136





	Metanoia

**August 9, 1998**

“I have nothing to say to him.”

“Draco, he will most likely be sentenced to life like the others...”

“As he should be.”

“Draco, he’s still your father...” Narcissa’s tone was pleading.

“Is he though?” he bit out, his tone glacial as he fought to keep his rage controlled. “He may be the man who sired me, but what kind of father offers up his son as a sacrifice for his own failings? What kind of...”

No. He wasn’t going to do this. Wasn’t going to rail against his mother, who didn’t deserve it, about the man who had broken even the most fundamental of bonds between a parent and child. Trust. Protection. Security. And for what?

He had nothing to say.

**July 14, 1999**

_Lucius,_

_I’m sure you’re surprised to hear from me. Or maybe you’re not. I don’t really care either way. I’m only writing because Potter encouraged me to. Yes, you read that correctly: Harry Potter suggested I write to you as a way to help me deal with some of my lingering anger and resentment towards you. You see, he and I are friends now. Aren’t you pleased? Didn’t you tell me, back before my very first term at Hogwarts that I should befriend him? Well, better late than never, I suppose._

_He started out as my Ministry-appointed liaison, but after a bit I realized he’s really not all that bad. We’ve had multiple conversations about the adults who’ve failed us in our lives and I find I have more in common with him than I’d ever thought. He told me he actually wrote a scathing letter to Dumbledore after it was all over, even though he knew he’d never read it. Said just getting it all out of his head and down on parchment was cathartic enough. So I figured I’d give it a go._

_I have no idea if I’ll send this with Mother’s letter next month, and the only reason I probably will is solely because I won’t have to listen to your diatribe of disappointment, or see the revulsion in your eyes over how my choices have tainted your pristine Pureblood ideologies. But where did those get you in the end? What good did any of your scheming or posturing, your arrogance and greed do besides ruin a lot of lives and land you in prison?_

_One good thing that has actually come of this nightmarish disaster is that I’m now finally, for once in my life, free to make my own choices and pursue what matters to me. Not whatever suits your agenda or brings glory to the Malfoy name, but what **I** want. And do you know what I want? Now that my year of house arrest is complete and I have finished my probationary requirements? I want to travel and see the world. I want to fly in an airplane - Potter says they’re amazing. He’s also told me about something called a “pub crawl” through Muggle London that I might just take him up on. I want to date whoever I take a fancy to, regardless of her background or the money in her account. I want to pick a career that has nothing to do with the family business because we aren’t really a family anymore are we?_

_You know, I used to worship the bloody ground you walked on, and now I’d dance on your grave if you died tomorrow. You were supposed to look out for me, support and encourage me, give me fatherly advice about investments and marriage. Instead, you handed me over to a vile psychopath after you failed at the insane task he gave you, just so you could remain in his good graces. You tried to kill **children** as part of your pathetic attempts to gain his favor, and you let him come in and defile our home and turn it into a twisted, sodding nest of evil. You ruined every good thing about our family and tainted every fond memory I ever had, now that I see you for who you truly are._

_Wow, I actually do feel a bit better. I’ll have to tell Potter he was right. I hope you enjoy knowing that while you rot in your cell, I will be carrying on with my life out here. A life that includes my friend, The Chosen One, The Savior of the Wizarding World, The Boy Who Lived TWICE. He’s actually a very talented wizard and a nice person to boot. I guess I should thank you for making that acquaintance possible, even if it is eight years later than you’d originally planned._

**July 27, 2000**

_I wasn’t sure I was going to write again this year, but Mother seemed to really want me to, and I hate to disappoint her. She’s done a tremendous job redecorating the house, supporting multiple charities, building the Malfoy name back up into something respectable. I’m extremely proud of her. You should be, too._

_I’m sure she’ll fill you in on the last year and what I’ve been up to. In summary, I did travel a bit with Blaise and Theo, and then came back in order to start an apprenticeship under Bill Weasley at Gringotts. He’s one of their top Cursebreakers, and seemed to think it’s something I’d be good at. Talked me into it at a pick-up Quidditch match at the Burrow last August. I started with him in October and am still currently there, although I’ve moved from an apprentice to a Cursebreaker-in-Training. It typically takes a full year of apprenticeship, but apparently I’ve a knack for it and flew through the initial levels in half the time it usually takes. All trainees have to work for twelve months under their mentor, so hopefully by next April I’ll be officially on board._

_I’m sure you’re grinding your teeth over the fact that I’m pursuing such a plebeian career, but I honestly don’t care what you think of it. It’s interesting, it’s something I enjoy, and it’s something I’m good at. That’s enough for me._

_I’m also sure you’ll be happy to know I haven’t squandered away our fortune, or left a trail of ruined women in my wake. I’m not opposed to casual dating or the occasional spending spree, but I’ve been too busy for things like that as of late._

_That’s all I have to say at the moment, so I guess I’ll end here._

_Draco_

**June 12, 2001**

_Hello,_

_One week ago today I turned twenty years old. For some reason, the fact that I am no longer a teenager has stuck with me. I know I “came of age” at seventeen, but what does that even mean? I spent that milestone locked in my room, completely terrified of the maniac who’d taken up residence in my house. I dreaded what was to come, often thinking that death would be a far better option than whatever that noseless bastard had planned. While it was only three years ago, it seems like another lifetime entirely._

_I was officially hired as a Cursebreaker at Gringotts in April, and Bill immediately brought me onto his team. We’re currently on site in Athens, where we’ve been for several weeks and will remain for at least a month more. It’s fascinating work and I’ve learned more during this first assignment than I did in over a year and a half of training and practice. The history here is amazing, and the food’s not bad either. Bill said that’s one of the main perks of the job - international travel and exposure to a wide variety of cultures, cuisines, and people. If this first trip is any indication, he’s definitely not wrong._

_Mother might allude to the fact that I’ve started seeing someone. While she would be correct, I’m not ready to divulge who, as we are still in the very early stages of this and I don’t want to jinx it before we even get started. All I will say is that she’s wonderful and I have no idea why she even gives me the time of day after the abominable way I treated her previously. I don’t deserve her, but I will endeavor to try to._

_Till next year,_

_Draco_

**August 2, 2002**

_Hello,_

_I realize I’m cutting this rather close to the deadline. Part of the reason is that I’ve been insanely busy and by the time I get home at night I’m usually completely knackered. The other reason, and quite honestly the real one, is because I wasn’t at all sure how to go about this._

_I have been so angry with you for so long, and while I have dealt with it in a myriad of ways (some healthy, some not) the one thing I haven’t done is forgive you. I’ll be blunt here and say that I don’t really feel like you deserve it. However, Hermione has told me many times that forgiveness is not about the one receiving it as much as it is about the one bestowing it. Harboring grudges and clinging to resentment only makes one bitter, and that’s not what I want to be. For the first time in my life, I’m happy - genuinely content and fulfilled - and I don’t want the shadows of the past to darken my future anymore._

_So, whether you think you need it or not, whether you believe I’m sincere or not, whether it means anything to you or nothing at all, I forgive you._

_I forgive you for the choices you made that hurt me and our family. I forgive you for being blinded to the truth by your own ambitions. I think you honestly believed you were making the best decisions, but your logic and world view were so warped and twisted by that point, it was too late. I forgive you for putting your own goals before the safety and well-being of your wife and child. I forgive you because I can’t carry the weight of this anger and hatred anymore. I forgive you because it is the only way I can begin to forgive myself, which Hermione says is even more important._

_Yes, I’m sure you recognize that name. Hermione Granger is the witch I mentioned in my previous letter. We’ve been together now for over a year and she is the best thing to ever happen to me. She is brilliant and kind and absolutely incredible. She has brought hope and light into my life when all I saw was darkness, and has helped me to see that I am more than the mistakes of my past. I plan to ask her to marry me soon, and while I know you don’t approve and will never accept her, I would like to believe you can at least find it within yourself to be happy that I’ve found someone who gives my life meaning and makes me want to be a better man._

_By the time I write again, I might actually have a wife. That thought is both terrifying and wonderful. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if she’ll have me._

_Till then,_

_Draco_

**July 28, 2003**

_Father,_

_It’s official - I’m a married man. I’m sure mother will fill you in on all the glorious details, but suffice to say, the engagement went off without a hitch (thanks to Harry and Theo) and the wedding, which took place three weeks ago, was a lovely, intimate affair. Neither of us wanted a big to-do, but Mother and Pansy still outdid themselves. The Grangers are fantastic and have already made plans for us to all celebrate the holidays together._

_Hermione and I bought a house near the coast in Worthing, since Andromeda has moved in with Mother and we really wanted a place of our own. We’ve only just returned from our honeymoon in the South of France, though we did skip over to Spain for one weekend, and across to Italy for a few days. To say it was amazing would be a monumental understatement. She has truly made me the happiest wizard on earth, and I still can’t completely believe she’s mine. I have never felt like this before - and I’m not taking about how much I love her, although that would fit, too. I’m talking about the way she supports me and encourages me; how she believes the best about me. She’s my biggest fan and my fiercest defender, but isn’t afraid to challenge me when I go off the rails. She loves fearlessly, completely, unconditionally, and with the force of a stampeding erumpent. She has turned my world upside down and inside out, and I will forever be grateful for it._

_I hope that someday you can come to terms with this – I would say “with my choice” to marry her, but I don’t know that I ever had a choice at all. She captivated me wholly and completely from the first time we sat down to talk, and I couldn’t have fought it if I tried._

_This August marks your fifth year. Harry said they might be implementing visitations next year. I know Mother would like that._

_Take care,_

_Draco_

**July 22, 2004**

_Father,_

_I apologize for the shortness of this letter. Bill and I have just been given clearance for a site in Stockholm that we’ve been waiting on for over a year. We’re leaving first thing in the morning, and communication will be limited once we’re there, so I’m jotting this off and Hermione will get it to Mother before she comes to see you next month. I’m enclosing a few pictures from this past year - the house and gardens, the view of the coast, there’s one of me on a recent assignment in Kenya, and a few of Hermione and me in various places. She was recently promoted and is now the head of the Being Division in the Department for the Regulation and Representation of Magical Creatures. (Yes, the department title has been changed - also her doing.) I couldn’t be more proud of her. I also wanted to let you know that our family will be adding to its ranks in the not-too-distant future. The littlest Malfoy should be arriving in about five months. We’ve all taken bets on whether it will be a boy or a girl, and have been tossing names around for weeks. Hermione likes the constellation tradition, so we’re considering several of those as options._

_I have to finish packing and I want to make sure she has everything she needs before I go._

_Best regards,_

_Draco_

**August 9, 2005**

Lucius entered the visitation room and was pleased to see the metal table and chairs from last year had been changed out for two comfortable looking armchairs and a small, low table between them. If it weren’t for the stone walls and floor, and the lack of any decorations or personal effects, it might almost look like a sitting room. He appreciated the update, however, and settled into one of the chairs to wait for Narcissa to arrive. He allowed himself a small smile as he thought about the last time he’d seen his wife. She’d looked as lovely as ever, and had talked nonstop from the moment she’d arrived, covering every possible topic, but repeatedly circling back around to Draco and his new wife.

 _Hermione Granger._ Well, he supposed she was Hermione Malfoy now. The thought didn’t bring a sneer to his face, or a derogatory thought to his mind as it once would have. When Draco had first told him of his involvement with the Muggleborn witch, Lucius had been surprised, but had no room to cast judgement. It was painfully obvious that the young woman had done wonders for his son’s self-esteem and outlook on life, and after all the damage he’d caused, he knew he had no right to feel anything but gratitude towards her. It was because of her, he was sure of it, that the tone of Draco’s letters had shifted from blatant animosity, to reluctant civility, to something actually friendly. He wondered if he’d get to hear about the assignment in Stockholm, or if there’d be more pictures included in this year’s letter. He was more than a little curious about his grandchild and hoped there’d be at least one photograph of the baby.

A sigh of deep regret pushed past his lips and he fought against the depressing, morose thoughts that often crossed his mind when he considered the fact that he would never get to be a part of his grandchild’s life, nor that of his wife, son, or even daughter-in-law, for that matter. It was entirely his fault, he knew that, and he loathed himself for it. But right now was not the time to wallow, not when this was the only time he’d get to see his beloved wife for another year. He sat up straighter, took a cleansing breath, and was fiddling with the cuff of his shirt when the door swung open.

It was not Narcissa who entered the room, but Draco. No longer a lanky, angular boy with a brooding sneer plastered on his youthful face, but a broad-shouldered, confident man, whose eyes were filled with cautious optimism, and his arms were filled with...

“Hello, Father. I thought you’d like to meet your grandson.”

**Author's Note:**

> While this is technically still a Dramione, it is most definitely a story about Draco as he comes to grips with the events that have occurred and where that leaves him now. His tone goes through several shifts and changes as he grows and matures as a person, influenced and encouraged by those around him, and is able to see what truly matters. I know it's a bit different from my other stories, but I hope you've enjoyed it! Thanks so much for reading :)


End file.
